I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
