I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
