so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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