I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
