just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i need some magic done to my vagina
Let's get the cat blown out
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
