Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
