put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Green mimosas i think yes
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
