none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
