...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm really busy with my period
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