Soap is not a condiment
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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