so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
