I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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