Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize