How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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