Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
