Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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