My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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