Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize