My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
