Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
