He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
