I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
