You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
