You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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