dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
