Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
