I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
