those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
