i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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