We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
high people should be assigned attendants
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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