i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Randomize
