I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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