i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
