I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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