If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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