oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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