You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize