I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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