If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
