My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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