That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
