He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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