We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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