does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
