i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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