is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This is the high leading the old right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
