I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
