you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
