wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
