i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she pinky promised me she was 18
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
