I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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