His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
