i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
