well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
