What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
