I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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