Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
