so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have aggressive nipples.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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