Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
