"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
