i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize