At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hippo gnu deer
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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