i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
