I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
