Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
