so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
