I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
